better
FAMILY
I decided I want a child who can give
and receive love, who can support
himself financially, and have a produc-
tive life. The rest is just window dress-
ing. That helped clarify our rules and
values in the way we dealt with him.”
COLLEGE
There are no more parent-teacher confer-
ences or weekly family dinners once your
child starts college; in fact, sometimes you
don’t even rate an e-mail. College is all
about parents and children learning to
loosen the ties—a process that can be hard
on both.
It helps to remember that every
college has support systems in place. At
orientation, students typically sit down
with advisers to choose classes. Students
who live on campus have residential
advisers to guide them through room-
mate squabbles. For academic assistance,
most colleges offer tutorial centers, and
there are counselors and medical
professionals on campus. You can lead
your child to these resources—but, after
that, he needs to do the rest on his own.
Realize that at the start of freshman
year, kids may experience homesickness,
depression, and culture shock, but that’s
normal. “A lot of students who do well in
high school may find they’re just average
once they start college,” Dr. Weisberg
explains. “Plus, now they’re expected to
do their own laundry or even cook their
own meals. It can be a shock to some of
them to have to take so much responsibil-
ity for themselves.”
One of the biggest challenges facing
new students is the college schedule, says
Donna Swartwout, Ph.D., Associate Dean
of Students at Merrimack College in
North Andover, Massachusetts. “In high
school, they’re in class every day, but their
college schedule might allow them entire
afternoons or days that are free.” Students
might need parental encouragement to
manage this free time wisely.
So it’s smart to stay connected. Just
◄ CHRIS PROVOST
W as a freshm an last year at M errim ack College
North Andover, M assachusetts
____
The transition was a lot sm oother than I had
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and study habits, because my parents w ouldn’t be
around. I’d definitely tell people to becom e active in
the cam pus comm unity. Putting yourself out there
by joining clubs gives you a chance to get to know
people. Oh, and m oney issues! That’s been my
toughest area. Parents need to caution their
children to be careful with money, because it’s easy
to spend too much m oney socializing at college,
and there are always expenses you don’t expect.
I learned that the hard way.
not too connected. The instant contact of
texting, Skype, and e-mail are not always
a good thing, especially if a child calls in
the middle of the night to say how
overwhelmed or depressed he’s feeling.
That communication may do wonders for
your child, but not for you.
“Parents get off the phone feeling
worried after they’ve made their child
feel better,” says Dr. Swartwout. “One
year, I had a mother call me repeatedly to
say that her son had called her and
sounded like death warmed over. I’d go
find the student and then call the mother
back to say he was sitting with six other
people and looking completely happy.”
Find the right balance. Set a weekly
time for phone calls or e-mails, and try to
give your child some breathing room. If
the same problems arise again and again,
let the residence life staff know that
there’s an issue. Most college counselors
and administrators will want to talk to
students directly rather than work
through parents, “but we’re always glad
to help families and students connect
with campus resources to help solve
problems,” Dr. Swartwout says.
“What parents need to remember is
that school is preparation for real life,” Dr.
Weisberg adds. “The more you coach
your child toward independence at every
level in school, the better your child’s
preparation will be for the future.” <&
more
tips
from
201 o’s
top
teachers
I wish that parents would first
ask how their child is learning
before asking what grade
they’re receiving. Too often, we
assum e that a grade tells the
story of a child’s learning
experience, when in fact it is
m ore often an isolated indicator
that halts, rather than initiates,
an im portant conversation
about teaching and learning.
SARAH BROWN W ESSLING
English teach er at Johnston High
School in Iowa
Encourage your children to
join student-led service
organizations such as Key Club.
There’s no better way to build
self-esteem and confidence
than by doing som ething good
fo r som eone else.
LEAH LECHLEITER-LUKE
Spanish teacher at M auston High
School in W isconsin
It is my hope that students get
into a productive hom ework
routine, including 10 m inutes a
day on math. Just 10 minutes
will make their facts autom atic
and will reduce fatigue and
frustration when they need to
com plete m ore difficult
problem s.
DEBRA J. CALVINO
M ath teacher at Valley Central
High School in New York
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SEPTEMBER 2010 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
